I’m a card-carrying Control Freak. So letting go of anything (and everything) is not in my nature. That includes being OK with my husband “doing his thang” with our kids. I really and truly don’t believe he’s incompetent when it comes to raising our kids. But, apparently, that’s the message I send to him. Regularly.
I don’t mean to be such a know-it-all, but I was raised by a kind, compassionate, selfless mother and a loving, confident, yet annoyingly pretty-much-never-wrong father. And, although my dad gave me so many great qualities, I blame him for my controlling tendencies (as my daughter will blame me and so on, and so on…forever, Amen). But living life as The Control Freak is no way to be part of a family (or a marriage, for that matter).
I know in my heart that my husband can parent every bit as well as I can. In fact, in so many ways he’s better. He teaches our kids to cook. He lets them get dirty. He lets them make mistakes. He provides a shoulder for them to cry on but he also knows when to tell them to suck it up. He’s smart and funny and kind and if our children turn out to be half the person he is, they’ll be incredibly successful in life.
So I need my heart to translate this to my head. I need to let go of the control and step out of the way for him be the dad he is meant to be. Otherwise, I’m not only letting him down. I’m letting my kids down too.
My post was inspired by the post, Changing Fatherhood Starts with Mothers, by Kristen at Motherhood Uncensored, who hit the nail on the head so hard, people in China are saying, “What the f*ck just poked me?”
LOVE THIS! I needed this reminder, I also get a lot out of this blog (http://www.lifescript.com/life/relationships/hang-ups/7_mistakes_youre_making_with_men.aspx ). Men and Women are a wee bit different and heck, that’s OK. Well, easier said than done, right?!
Thanks, Emily! I do believe men and women are different. I know some of my friends struggle with this same issue, while other friends of mine don’t. Maybe it’s as much related to personality and background as it is to differences between the genders? Not sure. What I do know is I hope I’m capable of making a change in this area for the good of our family.
Always a good thing to remember. I too am a bit of a control freak but now that my kids are getting older I have to let go of the way that I want them to do things also.
That’s a great point, Tina. Not only am I controlling about the way my husband parents, but I’m controlling of my kids too. But now that they are growing from babies into people, with their own dreams, desires, and plans, they’re not taking it very well. And, although it’s hard for me to back off, I’m glad they push back a bit and show me that they need some freedom to live and learn from their mistakes as much as from their successes. It’s just so hard for me to let go.
Colleen, this must be difficult but beautiful at the same time. Thank you for sharing.
Alicia, you bet. As are most great things in life, right? 🙂 I’m glad I’m finally realizing the need to back off before it’s too late. Now I want to work on doing a good job of it.
I struggle with this too! I think its because they hardly see him during the week my brain tells me I know them better. He is a wonderful dad, given the chance. I need to learn how to step back and let them be some times. Thanks for this reminder!
Kim, I know you’re not alone in thinking that. After reading this post a girlfriend of mine said the same thing. She argued that we don’t have to let dads do what they do because we know the kids better. I think she might have a point. But, for me, I know my thing is all about control and being right. I need to learn to let it go. For the sake of our family.
Thanks for commenting!
Relating to this!
Thanks, Sue!